Now That is a Great Leadership Story

Wow, if I could choose a movie that really represents what Inspired Future is all about it is “How to Train Your Dragon”.  It is a fantastic movie.  An emerging leader (Hiccup) trusts and steps into who he really is, gets a glimpse of a new approach and the possibility of a different reality, faces judgement and rejection from the people who have always done things a certain way, boldly chooses his path and does it – he creates a new and different reality that noone else could even imagine.  There’s so much more to this movie, but in a nutshell – bring on the ‘Hiccups’ of the world, you are exactly who our work is for.  If you haven’t seen it (or read it – that’s now on my ‘to do’ list), do it, this weekend!

The Value of Leading

Moving from doing to leading can be quite a transition.  Anyone who has done it, knows.  The challenge is that when you are in a doing role, your actions lead directly to results so you know when you are successful – and you often get many accolades.  When you are in a leading role, the connection to results is not as linear and that can be a very uncomfortable position.  I have coached people new to managerial roles and have noticed that it is quite common for them to struggle in embracing what it means to lead, to find where the value lies and to truly move into it.  It is often easier to default to actions that will directly impact results, because you know that it is valued (and let’s face it, a little glory feels good).  It seems to me that it is difficult to trust that others will see value in actions that help others to achieve results.  I know that was a big part of my journey when I moved into my first sales management role.

So, here I am, almost 15 years after my first promotion to management and I still experienced something like this 2 days ago.  Two people who I am paying and trusting to create some contact materials have done, and are doing, an exceptional job.  The funny part is that as they are producing something tangible, I am left asking myself “ok, what is it that I am doing, where is my value”.  I imparted a vision and got out of the way.  As a business owner, I don’t get paid until we have a profit – there is no direct measure for my success.  It’s still a bit uncomfortable, even as I know better.  I must find value in other, less tangible things that I know make a difference.  I have to remind myself that there is value in the thank you’s that I am getting from these two people, from my business partner and from my client’s who are appreciating receiving the materials that were created.  It is up to leaders themselves to see their own value – maybe that’s all that truly matters anyway.

Happier vs. Happiness

I had an interesting exchange the other day.  A person in my life, made a passing comment that they did not understand the number of people who seem to be searching for ‘happiness’.  This remark came out of a discussion we were having about the explosive growth in the self-help genre.  As I thought about this comment in the context of my own journey, I became clearer in how I would describe my own underlying motivations.

My development has really not about being unhappy and searching for happiness, for me it has always been about getting to my happiest.  In most circumstances where I have made life-changing decisions, they have been about moving towards happier not necessarily away from unhappiness.  I do see a distinction in this and I think it’s worth some elaboration.

I think that there is an impression that to move towards being better, we need to be dissatisfied in some way, that there has to be something wrong to ‘fix’.  I simply do not agree with this.  I have had many instances where I have been satisfied, but have also had a distinct ‘feeling’ that I could have and feel more.  I could have settled and would have lived at a certain level of happiness, as what I would call a bit ‘duller’ version of myself.  What I mean by that is that I would still be me, but probably not in my entirety – I would have to compromise some element of me.  When I make this statement it is not out of judgement – there really is nothing wrong with staying in that place if it is comfortable – for me though, it has never really been a place of comfort.  So my development is driven by a sincere desire to move toward happier and ultimately happiest, for me.  Happier vs. happiness – there is a difference.

Am I there yet?

One of the things that I am continuing to let go of is the notion that there is an ultimate ‘it’ that I’m looking for.  Since the beginning of my career, I have searched for the leadership approach that ‘fits’ with me.  I have had it in my mind, that I will find ‘the one’.  I am finally realizing that is not serving me and my growth.  To assume that I will find one, is to assume that I am static, never-changing.  The truth is that as I adopt new capabilities and become more proficient with them, I become different so what I am seeking ultimately becomes different.

Even as I get a clearer understanding of what brings meaning for me, the activities and experiences that will deliver that meaning evolve and shift.  My cousin and colleague uses a great analogy comparing this quest to a video game.  From that perspective, we will always have new levels to aspire to.  As we satisfactorily complete one level, we simply earn the opportunity to go through a whole new level – there isn’t a final destination.  As I embrace that idea, I am taking things a little less seriously and enjoying the learning experiences that much more!

A Learning Truism

I ‘get’ a lot of notions, concepts and ideas that I read, hear and see at an intellectual level.  I love to learn and have a strong capacity for ‘making sense’ of things.  It isn’t until I really play with an idea, roll up my sleeves and really try it out, that my behaviour begins to change.  It isn’t until I am willing to ‘look silly’ in trying that I really take the learning to heart.  My truism…you really cannot ‘pick-up’ someone else’s  ability/style/approach by watching, reading or listening, you can only pull out your own by digging in and getting a bit messy.

Work-Life Balance?!

This phrase has not sat well with me since it began to appear in workplace and leadership literature.  Work and life suggests that the two notions are in opposition – that they are competing for our time and attention.  I think this is why we often feel so torn, we assume that we must compartmentalize our life and think of our work in isolation of everything else that makes up our days.  This belief creates struggle where there should be harmony.  Balance suggests one thing offsetting the other.  We need to get rid of this phrase and concept.

I believe work is simply a part of life and I am aiming for a joyful life.  That means that my work must contribute to my joy; it takes up too much of my time for it not to.  My journey, accelerated since becoming a mother, has been about identifying what brings me joy and therefore what my work should be.  Freedom brings me joy.  Meaningful and thought-provoking conversation brings me joy.  Discussing and learning about the beauty and mystery of what makes human beings tick is joyful to me.  The thrill of adventure, stepping into the unknown makes me giddy.  Creativity, finding new solutions is thrilling to me.  Seeing another person step into their joy is a wonder to me.  I become aware of more, every day.  This is what I am bringing into my work.

We cannot settle for seeking work-life balance.  I cannot settle for this, we deserve more.  Let’s strive for joyful lives where our work contributes to our joy.

Yikes…

So, as I wrote my post about clarity, there was a whole bunch of noise going on in my head.  I think that this is important to share with you, because I really want you to know what it is like for me to work through this stuff.

As clear as I feel about my connection to Freedom, here is a sampling of the phrases that are popping up in my mind, vying for attention as I focus on living my life in Freedom…

“Yeah sure, in a perfect world”

“Wouldn’t everyone want that”

“If only it were that easy”

“Sometimes there are just things we have to do”

“That is a pretty selfish way of living”

“You have a husband and 3 children, there are always obligations”

“A business has to make money – there are ways of doing things”

“Who do you think you are?”

You get the picture…

Clarity – 2 years in the making.

I finally realized just this past weekend, with absolute clarity, that my inspired future is about living in freedom.  Truly living in freedom and helping others to do the same.  As I say that with certainty and conviction, so many of my struggles with identity and purpose just fall away.

Here’s a brief snapshot of what it has taken to get here….At Destination Coach in April of 2008, I identified freedom as one of my top 10 values.  Sometime after that, I read an account of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s career progression and as he shared his journey to freedom, I found myself really relating.  Last September when I was enjoying an amazing trip to Chicago to see Oprah, it came to me that my life is about freedom and fun.  On a vacation on Vancouver Island last October, in response to some stress that I was experiencing, Aileen suggested that I spend some time sitting with the phrase ‘I am Free’.  As I did that, a clearer picture starting forming about what that really looks like for me.  Finally, last Thursday I had a stimulating conversation with a client about the words obligation and commitment and as I processed that discussion, it became crystal clear that I am all about freedom.

2 years to get to one word?!  Yes, 2 years to get to one word.  2 years filled with experiences that represented true freedom for me and many that did not.  I now can see that those great moments and the very uncomfortable times where I struggled through obligations were about pointing me to this clarity.  I see now that many of those experiences were meant as small tests; tests to check in with myself about how important freedom is for me.  A gradually building crescendo.  Oh, this is good.

Undoing

Like you, I spent the first week of January making big, big lists of stuff to do in 2010.  This was easy to do as I was in vacation mode and really open to dreaming big.  As is my pattern (ah yes, awareness), I wasn’t grasping how big my list was until Tuesday’s crash.  As I struggled out of my pit of despair, I looked at my list through new lenses.  I looked at the list and for each goal asked myself 2 questions “what makes this important to me?” and “what if it doesn’t happen”?  As I went through, it was easy to choose the things that were the most important on a personal level, for the business it was a different story.

With the business goals, I found myself grappling with items that I wasn’t really bought into doing but couldn’t bring myself to scrap because I committed to do them.  This is my business and I still couldn’t let go of some of the goals that I had set for fear of disappointing – disappointing who, I’m not sure.  So it was a bit crazy.  I could see the foolishness in holding on to something that didn’t serve me but could not trust that if I let it go it would be ok.  I did the same thing in my past career.  I would agree to do something that in my heart that I didn’t believe in or want to do and trudged through it as a victim and then get frustrated when I wasn’t having any fun.

Undoing natural and conditioned behaviours is a undertaking.  They pop up and if you aren’t paying really close attention, they drag you down.  They still drag me down but I come back up for air much faster now.  I am proud to say after some real work, I have a list of business goals that I feel really pumped about.

Today

Today, I am excited and energized.  I am seeing new possibility and opportunity everywhere.  I am having fun.

Today, I am freaked out.  What if my ideas don’t fly?  What if it doesn’t work?  What if you don’t like me?

What if they do, What if it does, What if you do?

Today, I am committed to untether myself from obligation.  Continue to pursue my freedom.  Will people think I’m selfish?

Today, I am a little bit scared about money.  We’re taking the kids to Disney World.

Today, I am thrilled with what it feels like to collaborate with a person who is really passionate about what their doing.  Thank you Catherine www.theofficeofpossibilities.com. You are a great example of living your Inspired Future.

Today, I am proud of myself for delegating work that I really don’t like to do to someone who really does and the results show!

Today, I am grateful for all of the people who are considering joining our Destination Coach workshop in March.

I wonder what tomorrow will be like?