Undoing
Like you, I spent the first week of January making big, big lists of stuff to do in 2010. This was easy to do as I was in vacation mode and really open to dreaming big. As is my pattern (ah yes, awareness), I wasn’t grasping how big my list was until Tuesday’s crash. As I struggled out of my pit of despair, I looked at my list through new lenses. I looked at the list and for each goal asked myself 2 questions “what makes this important to me?” and “what if it doesn’t happen”? As I went through, it was easy to choose the things that were the most important on a personal level, for the business it was a different story.
With the business goals, I found myself grappling with items that I wasn’t really bought into doing but couldn’t bring myself to scrap because I committed to do them. This is my business and I still couldn’t let go of some of the goals that I had set for fear of disappointing – disappointing who, I’m not sure. So it was a bit crazy. I could see the foolishness in holding on to something that didn’t serve me but could not trust that if I let it go it would be ok. I did the same thing in my past career. I would agree to do something that in my heart that I didn’t believe in or want to do and trudged through it as a victim and then get frustrated when I wasn’t having any fun.
Undoing natural and conditioned behaviours is a undertaking. They pop up and if you aren’t paying really close attention, they drag you down. They still drag me down but I come back up for air much faster now. I am proud to say after some real work, I have a list of business goals that I feel really pumped about.
